Asmongold released a compelling video on October 1, discussing his unique lifestyle and the reasons behind “living like an animal for 13 years.” In this candid upload, he reflects on his upbringing and mental health challenges.
The YouTuber and Twitch streamer, Asmongold, who first rose to fame as a World of Warcraft content creator, has successfully evolved his content over the years to encompass reaction videos covering various subjects, including politics, streamer culture, and the latest games industry controversies.
“People often ask, ‘Why would someone choose to live like this and why am I like this?’” Asmon stated at the beginning of his 35-minute video. “This hasn’t always been my way of life. It’s a relatively new experience for me, starting in high school and escalating in phase two around the ages of 21 to 23.”
Despite frequently being open about his cluttered living conditions, even admitting in the past that he needed to tidy up his space, Asmongold has faced external comments, including from his father. Moreover, game developers have previously poked fun at his lifestyle choices.
“I’ve always struggled to understand appropriate behavior—how to act, how to treat people, what to say, and so on,” he elaborated.
Recalling a childhood incident while playing baseball, Asmongold shared how he intentionally hit the ball to aim for another child’s face, showcasing the growing discomfort he felt in social situations. “I noticed that my actions made others uncomfortable,” he noted, linking it to his attempts to mask his emotions.
He also reflected on his high school experience, mentioning that he “never really had a girlfriend” and wasn’t treated kindly by girls. “Big surprise,” he added, humorously acknowledging that “being a level 60 warrior isn’t exactly appealing to women compared to other 16-year-old guys.”
Eventually, Asmongold reached a point where he became more comfortable with himself, indicating that he stopped worrying as much about how others perceived him. “This situation worsened over time, as I spent my teenage years trying to detach from societal expectations of who I should be.”
“I didn’t choose this life; it wasn’t up for discussion. I just found myself here.”
Discussing his upbringing, Asmongold shared insights about living on the “poverty line.” He remarked, “At the height of my degeneracy, I was likely one of the best-rated warriors in WoW. It was fantastic in-game, but not in reality.”
“I nearly abandoned the idea of being a normal person,” he stated, adding that he felt incapable of blending in due to his life experiences.
The conversation then shifted to his mother, whom he cared for until her passing in 2021—a time he referred to as “very upsetting.”
Emphasizing that he wasn’t seeking sympathy or attention, Hoyt mentioned that he hopes sharing his story will help others understand his perspective. Although he expressed contentment in the present, he admitted that earlier in life, he “assumed [he] would end [his] life after high school,” a thought he pushed aside post-release of WoW’s Wrath of the Lich King in 2008.
Asmongold noted that he “forgot” about his suicidal thoughts following the launch of WoW’s expansion, Wrath of the Lich King in 2008.
World of Warcraft continued to play a significant role in his narrative, with Hoyt crediting Blizzard’s MMO for offering him more real-life business acumen than his formal education. “I believed I would end up with a lackluster job, play video games all my life, and eventually die.”
After a disheartening job at Sam’s Club, which motivated him to become a “better person,” Hoyt recounted his initial endeavors into YouTube. “I wanted to kill myself at that point, but I decided to do something different. Instead of ending my life, I started streaming for money. I needed some f**king income.”
In his concluding remarks, Hoyt shared his aspirations of “letting go” and finding peace with his existence, rather than dwelling on previous criticisms that he admitted “used to affect him significantly.”
“Will I ever change? Maybe, maybe not. Ultimately, I have complete control over my life, which is a comforting realization. I may change my perspective in the future; I just don’t know yet. For now, I focus on living and enjoying life.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Samaritans at 116 123 in the United Kingdom, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 in the USA. For a list of global helplines, click here.
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